Why am I so indecisive?

If you have ever stood in a supermarket aisle for ten minutes trying to choose a pasta sauce, or spent days going back and forth on a decision that other people seem to make in seconds, you are not alone. Indecisiveness is one of those traits that can feel small on the outside but quietly affects how you move through your day, your relationships and your working life.

The good news is that indecisiveness is not something you are born with. Research suggests it is a learned behaviour, shaped by your experiences, your thinking patterns and sometimes your mental health. That also means it can be changed.

What indecisiveness actually looks like

Indecisiveness is not the same as taking your time over a big life choice. It is a pattern of struggling to commit to decisions, large and small, even when the stakes are low. It can show up as:

• Going back and forth between options without settling on one
• Asking everyone around you what they think before making even a minor choice
• Avoiding decisions altogether by putting them off, delegating them, or letting deadlines pass
• Feeling anxious or overwhelmed when faced with a choice
• Second-guessing yourself after you have already decided
• Missing opportunities because you could not commit in time

If this sounds familiar, the question is not whether you are “just bad at decisions.” The question is what is driving the pattern.

Why it happens

There is rarely a single cause. Most of the time, indecisiveness sits on top of one or more deeper patterns. These are the most common.

Fear of making the wrong choice

This is the most widely reported driver. The fear is not really about the decision itself. It is about the consequences: being judged, being blamed, losing something, or regretting the outcome. Research by Joseph Ferrari at DePaul University suggests that chronic indecisiveness functions as an avoidance strategy: if you never commit, you can never be responsible for a bad result.

Perfectionism

If you set impossibly high standards for yourself, every decision becomes a test. You research endlessly, weigh every variable, and still feel you do not have enough information to choose “correctly.” The irony is that perfectionism often leads to worse decisions, not better ones, because the delay itself has costs.

Low self-esteem and lack of confidence

When you do not trust your own judgement, even a simple choice feels risky. You look to other people for reassurance, not because their opinion is better, but because you do not believe yours is good enough. The NHS notes that people with low self-esteem often “feel less able to take on the challenges that life throws at them,” and decision-making is one of those challenges.

People-pleasing

If your instinct is to choose whatever makes other people happy, you can end up paralysed when their needs conflict, or when there is no “right” answer that satisfies everyone. The decision becomes less about what you want and more about avoiding the discomfort of disappointing someone.

Overthinking and “what if” spirals

Some people get stuck in a loop of imagining every possible outcome before they act. This is closely linked to anxiety. Research on anxiety and decision-making has found that anxious individuals tend to overestimate threats, tolerate uncertainty poorly, and get caught in repetitive “what if” scenarios that prevent action.

How you were raised

Your childhood environment plays a role. Research cited by Psych Central suggests that children raised in authoritarian households, where mistakes were punished rather than treated as learning opportunities, may grow up less comfortable making their own decisions. If you were not given the chance to practise choosing (and occasionally getting it wrong), the skill can feel underdeveloped in adulthood.

When indecisiveness may be a symptom of something else

In most cases, indecisiveness is a thinking habit, not a clinical condition. But it is worth knowing that difficulty making decisions can also be a feature of certain mental health conditions:

• Depression. The NHS lists “finding it difficult to make decisions” as a psychological symptom of depression. When your mood is persistently low, even small choices can feel exhausting.
• Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD). The NHS describes difficulty concentrating and persistent worry as key features of GAD. Although indecisiveness is not listed by name, the pattern of overthinking and fearing the worst is central to the condition.
• ADHD. Difficulty with executive function, including planning and prioritising, can make decision-making harder. This is not about lacking intelligence or willpower; it is about how the brain processes information and manages competing demands.
• OCD. Research has found that some people with obsessive-compulsive disorder experience significant difficulty with decision-making, particularly when choices involve doubt and the fear of doing something wrong.

If you recognise yourself in any of these, it does not mean you have a diagnosis. It means it is worth speaking to your GP, who can assess what is going on and discuss the right support.

Things that can help

Indecisiveness is a habit, and like most habits, it can be gradually replaced with something better. These are practical, evidence-informed approaches that can make a real difference.

Give yourself a time limit

Open-ended decision-making is where overthinking thrives. Setting a deadline (even a short one, such as “I will decide by the end of today”) creates a boundary that pushes you towards action rather than further deliberation.

Limit your options

Research on decision fatigue suggests that having too many choices can be paralysing. When possible, narrow your options to two or three before weighing them up. You do not need to evaluate every possibility to make a good choice.

Challenge “what if” thinking

When you catch yourself spiralling, write down the worst realistic outcome of making the “wrong” choice. In most everyday decisions, the worst case is far less catastrophic than your anxiety suggests. Ask yourself: will this matter in a year?

Practise on low-stakes decisions

Start small. Choose a restaurant without checking reviews. Pick a film without scrolling for twenty minutes. The goal is not to make the “best” choice but to get comfortable with choosing and accepting the outcome, whatever it is.

Stop asking everyone else

Seeking reassurance feels helpful in the moment but reinforces the belief that your own judgement is not good enough. Next time you feel the urge to ask someone else, make the decision first, then tell them what you chose. You will often find they agree.

Notice and celebrate decisions you make well

Indecisive people tend to remember the choices that went wrong and forget the ones that worked out fine. Actively noticing when a decision went well, even a small one, helps rebuild confidence in your own judgement over time.

Consider talking therapies

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for the thinking patterns behind indecisiveness: perfectionism, catastrophising, and low self-worth. It helps you identify unhelpful thoughts and develop more balanced ways of responding to them. In England, you can self-refer to NHS talking therapies without a GP referral.

About flower remedies

In the Bach flower remedy tradition, several remedies are associated with different forms of indecision. Scleranthus is linked to difficulty choosing between two specific options. Cerato is associated with doubting your own judgement and constantly seeking advice from others. Wild Oat is linked to a broader uncertainty about direction in life.

Flower remedies are a traditional practice. Reviews of the clinical evidence have found no good-quality proof that they work beyond a placebo effect. The NHS does not recommend homeopathy or flower remedies for any health condition.

Some people find the process of choosing a remedy helpful as a way of reflecting on their emotional patterns. If you choose to try one, it is unlikely to cause harm, but it should not replace the practical steps above or professional support if you need it.

When to get support

Indecisiveness can feel like a permanent part of who you are, but it is not. It is a pattern, and patterns can be changed. Sometimes the first step is simply recognising that the problem is not the decision in front of you, but the way you are approaching it.

Common questions about indecisiveness

Natural World Team

Independent guides to natural remedies and supplements, checked against NHS and EFSA references.