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Stress & SleepWhat causes low self-esteem, and how can you raise it?
What to know
- Self-esteem is the opinion you have of yourself. When it is low, you tend to see yourself and your life more negatively.
- Low self-esteem often begins in childhood and can be reinforced by difficult experiences, relationships, health problems or how you talk to yourself.
- It is not a mental health condition in itself, but it can contribute to anxiety and depression if it goes unchecked.
- There are practical, evidence-based steps that can help, including challenging negative thoughts, building on what you are good at, and talking therapies such as CBT.
Most people go through patches of feeling less confident. A setback at work, a difficult comment from someone you care about, a stretch of bad luck. Usually the feeling passes. But for some people, low self-esteem is not a phase. It is a constant, quiet voice that says you are not good enough, and it shapes the way you move through the world.
If that sounds familiar, you are not alone, and you are not stuck with it. Understanding where low self-esteem comes from is often the first step towards changing it.
What low self-esteem can feel like
Low self-esteem does not always look the same from the outside. Some people withdraw. Others overcompensate. Inside, though, the experience tends to share certain patterns:
- A harsh inner critic that focuses on your flaws and dismisses your strengths
- Feeling not good enough, even when you are doing well
- Avoiding challenges because you assume you will fail
- Difficulty accepting compliments or positive feedback
- Comparing yourself unfavourably to other people, often through social media
- Saying yes to things you do not want to do because you feel you do not have the right to say no
- Blaming yourself for things that are not your fault
The charity Mind notes that low self-esteem is not a mental health condition in itself, but it can be closely linked to mental health problems such as anxiety and depression, especially when it persists over time.
Why it happens
There is rarely a single cause. The NHS explains that low self-esteem often begins in childhood, shaped by the messages we receive from parents, teachers, friends and the media. For some people, the message that they are not good enough is the one that stays.
Common contributing factors include:
Childhood experiences
Being criticised frequently, compared to siblings, bullied at school, or growing up in an environment where praise was rare can leave deep marks on how you see yourself. These early patterns often carry into adulthood, even when circumstances have completely changed.
Difficult life events
Losing a job, going through a relationship breakdown, serious illness, bereavement, financial hardship or housing problems can all knock your confidence. The NHS and Mind both list these as common triggers.
Relationships
Being in a relationship where you are put down, controlled or made to feel small can steadily erode your sense of self-worth. This includes friendships and family dynamics, not just romantic relationships.
Prejudice and discrimination
Mind highlights that experiencing racism, stigma, discrimination or prejudice can have a direct and lasting effect on self-esteem.
Social media and comparison
Constantly measuring yourself against curated images and achievements online can reinforce the feeling that everyone else is doing better. The pressure to meet unrealistic expectations, whether set by social media, work or yourself, is a significant factor for many people.
Personality and thinking style
The NHS notes that some people are simply more prone to negative thinking or set impossibly high standards for themselves. Perfectionism and self-criticism are closely tied to low self-esteem.
The NHS suggests a simple exercise: start writing down negative thoughts when you notice them, then write evidence that challenges each one. If your thought is “nobody cares about me,” your challenge might be “my friend messaged me yesterday to check how I was.” Over time, this can help you see patterns in your thinking and begin to shift them.
Things that can help
Rebuilding self-esteem takes time. It is not about forcing positive thinking or pretending everything is fine. The NHS and Mind both suggest practical, evidence-based approaches:
Recognise what you are good at
Everyone has strengths. Cooking, being a good listener, solving problems, making people laugh. Doing more of what you are good at can gradually improve how you feel about yourself.
Challenge your inner critic
When you catch yourself thinking something harsh about yourself, ask: would I say this to a friend in the same situation? If not, try offering yourself the same kindness you would give someone else.
Build positive relationships
Spend more time with people who appreciate you and less with those who make you feel small. If certain relationships are bringing you down, it is OK to set boundaries or to talk about how their words affect you.
Learn to say no
People with low self-esteem often feel they have to say yes to everything. The NHS points out that saying no does not usually damage relationships, and it can protect you from becoming overburdened and resentful.
Set small, achievable goals
Taking on a challenge (joining a class, applying for something, starting a project) and achieving it builds real confidence. Start small. Each success reinforces the idea that you are capable.
Consider talking therapies
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for patterns involving negative self-talk and low self-worth. It helps you identify unhelpful thoughts and develop more balanced ways of thinking. In England, you can self-refer to NHS talking therapies without needing a GP referral.
Look after your body
Exercise, sleep and diet all affect mood and self-perception. The NHS Every Mind Matters programme recommends staying active, getting enough sleep and connecting with other people as foundations for mental wellbeing.
About flower remedies
In the Bach flower remedy tradition, several remedies are associated with self-esteem. Larch is linked to a lack of confidence and an expectation of failure. Crab Apple is associated with self-dislike and poor body image. Pine is linked to excessive guilt and self-blame.
Flower remedies are a traditional practice. Reviews of the clinical evidence have found no good-quality proof that they work beyond a placebo effect. The NHS does not recommend homeopathy or flower remedies for any health condition.
Some people find the process of choosing a remedy helpful as a way of reflecting on their emotions. If you choose to try one, it is unlikely to cause harm, but it should not replace the practical steps above or professional support if you need it.
When to get support
If low self-esteem is affecting your daily life, your relationships or your ability to do the things you used to enjoy, speak to your GP. They can refer you to talking therapies, or you can self-refer to NHS talking therapies in England (no GP referral needed). Mind Infoline: 0300 123 3393 (Mon to Fri, 9am to 6pm) for information and signposting. NHS Every Mind Matters: www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/ for self-help tools and a free personalised Mind Plan. Samaritans: call 116 123 (free, 24 hours a day) if you need someone to talk to. In an emergency, call 999.
Low self-esteem can feel permanent, but it is not. The NHS is clear on this: “We can grow and develop new ways of seeing ourselves at any age.”
Common questions about low self-esteem
Is low self-esteem a mental health condition?
Not on its own. Mind describes it as something that can be closely linked to mental health problems, but it is not classified as a mental health condition in itself. However, persistent low self-esteem can contribute to depression and anxiety, and if it is significantly affecting your life, speaking to your GP or a therapist is a good step.
Can low self-esteem be fixed?
Yes. Self-esteem is not a fixed trait. The NHS says that although low self-esteem often begins in childhood, you can develop new ways of seeing yourself at any age. Approaches like CBT, building positive relationships, and practising self-compassion all have evidence behind them. It takes time, but it is possible.
Does social media cause low self-esteem?
It can contribute. Mind lists the pressure to meet unrealistic expectations, including through social media, as a factor that can affect self-esteem. Constant comparison with curated images and highlight reels can reinforce feelings of inadequacy. Limiting time on social media and being mindful of how it makes you feel are practical first steps.
How can I help someone with low self-esteem?
Listen without judgement, acknowledge their feelings, and avoid dismissing their experience with comments like “just be more confident.” Encourage them to talk to their GP or to try NHS talking therapies. Mind also has resources for people supporting someone else with mental health difficulties.
Is CBT effective for low self-esteem?
CBT is one of the most evidence-based approaches for negative thinking patterns, including the kind of self-critical thinking that drives low self-esteem. It helps you identify unhelpful thoughts, test them against reality, and develop more balanced perspectives. You can access CBT through NHS talking therapies (self-referral) or through a private therapist registered with a professional body.
Independent guides to natural remedies and supplements, checked against NHS and EFSA references.